"The Great Writer" is a song from the stage musical Snoopy!!! The Musical and the animated TV special of the same name. It is sung by Snoopy while he is sitting on top of his doghouse and imagining that he is a world-famous author.

The story that Snoopy writes during the course of the song makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. At the conclusion of the song, Snoopy mails off his story. He receives a rejection slip which tells him that his story is "stupid", that he is a "terrible writer" and that he should "drop dead". However, the beagle believes that this is the same standard rejection letter that everyone receives and announces that he will start work on an unnamed trilogy the next day.


Snoopy: Maybe they're trying to tell me something.
Maybe they're trying to tell me,
The short story form is unworthy of my talent.
Maybe they're trying to tell me,
I should attempt, the novel!
Why not?
I have the time.
I got the talent.
I got the typewriter.
I got the plot!
I - T, it,
Sometimes we writers take hours,
Finding exactly the right word.
It, it, it, it,
It was a dark and stormy morning,
Packed, flat, trite.
It was a dark and stormy evening,
It was a dark and stormy night,
Night, right!
When suddenly a shot was heard,
A shot was fired,
When suddenly a shot rang out.
Rang out,
The door slammed,
The maid screamed,
That's building suspense.
When suddenly a pirate ship,
Appears on the horizon.
Past tense.
While millions of people are starving,
While millions of people are starving,
While millions of people are starving,
The King lived in luxury.
Now to thicken the plot.
Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas,
A boy was growing up.
Masterful ol' pup,
Brillantly done,
You son of a gun.
Writing is fun,
End of part one.
I'll tie all this together later in part two.
What's that wonderful smell?
Don't tell me,
Let me guess.
Smells like money dipped in honey,
Yes, the smell of success,
Take a good whiff,
Take a good sniff,
Pay me a lump that's due.
Fame and fortune,
Fortune and fame,
And now, for part two.
A light snow was falling,
And the little girl,
Small, no,
Little, no, small,
No, the little girl,
Ah, with the tatted shawl,
Had not sold a flower all day,
Ah, should she be selling matches?
Ah, no, flowers.
A violet let's say,
She had not sold a violet all day.
At that very moment,
A young intern was making,
An important discovery.
The mysterious patient in room,
Twenty-three had suddenly awakened,
She moaned softly.
Could it be that she was the sister,
Of the boy in Kansas,
Who loved the girl with the tatted shawl,
Who was the daughter of the maid,
Who had escaped from the pirates?
The intern frowned...
That has a good ring to it,
Just see how neatly it all fits together.
Charlie Brown: What about the King?
Snoopy: Stampede, the foreman shouted,
And forty thousand head of cattle,
Up and down the tiny ramp.
Two men rolled on the ground,
Rattling beneath the murderous hooves,
A left, and a right, and a left, and another left, and right,
Isn't this exciting?
An upper cut to the jaw,
The fight was over,
And so the ranch was saved.
Sometimes when you're a great writer, the words come so fast, you can hardly put 'em down on paper.
There's that wonderful smell called,
Eau de happiness,
Smells like money,
Dipped in honey,
Yes, the smell of success.
Take a good whiff,
Take a good sniff.
Why stop at one, be rude,
Fame and fortune,
Fortune and fame,
And now,
To conclude...
The young intern, sat by himself,
In the corner of the coffee shop,
Now, zing in the moral old friend,
He had learned about medicine,
But, more important is,
He had learned about life!
The, the, the, the, the,
The End!